


it was rare, i was there, i remember it all too well

by evesarkisian



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Song: All Too Well (Taylor Swift), hello gays im sad and miss choni
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-18 19:54:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28872633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evesarkisian/pseuds/evesarkisian
Summary: one-shot based on cheryl and toni breaking up and the time-jump 7 years later. no, choni doesn't break up due to some random grandma, but because of toni losing her identity.based off taylor swift's all too well because im mentally ill like that.
Relationships: Cheryl Blossom/Toni Topaz, Minor Betty Cooper/Archie Andrews, Minor Veronica Lodge/Tabitha Tate
Comments: 10
Kudos: 57





	it was rare, i was there, i remember it all too well

**Author's Note:**

> hey besties so sorry for this. also listen to all too well while reading if you want it makes it better 😏

Everything still smelled like her. The scent of cherries and maple was so evident in Fang's trailer that Toni was afraid he was going to say something about it. She prayed he didn't. She didn't know if she could handle it.

Her suitcase sat idly against her bed—well, Fang's bed. She insisted on taking the couch but he said he liked sleeping there anyway and since Toni wasn't going to be crashing at his place for long, she reluctantly agreed.

Toni remembered the first time she walked into Thistlehouse—the air was cold on that day, but something about it felt like home somehow. She hadn't been anywhere with her suitcases ever since that day, up until now.

As she began unpacking, the first item she took out was something of Cheryl's because of course it was. It was a red scarf that she used to wear in the winter all the time. Toni had borrowed it a few times which probably drove her to subconsciously pack it in her suitcase. She stuffed her face in the scarf and breathed in the familiar smell. When she pulled back, Toni found tearstains on the cloth.

She wanted to scream. 

The pink-haired girl walked over to one of the drawers that Fangs cleared out for her and stuffed it in all the way at the back. She couldn't get rid of it but she didn't want to look at it either.

-

Toni had blocked the music that Fangs was blasting out of her head until she recognized one of the songs. It was a pop song that Cheryl used to play all the time and it was one of the first songs they listened to on their first official date. They were driving around and getting lost upstate, singing their hearts out. It was the first time she heard Cheryl's voice and she immediately fell in love. She remembered the autumn leaves falling onto the car as Cheryl complained about how she couldn't see anything. Toni could still picture that moment perfectly after all these days.

The magic disappeared however. Those days were long gone. Toni is okay with it. She convinces herself she is. But it doesn't mean she's fine at all.

Toni remembered one of the first days she started to fall in love with the redhead. It was a few days after their conversation at Pops and after Cheryl came out to Toni. She was riding her bike when she spotted Cheryl's red impala. The blossom had rolled down her window and given a small smile to Toni. She got lost in her eyes and dazzling smirk, so much that the thing that snapped her out of it was the ensemble of cars honking at her. 

So, Toni moved to the side and allowed the cars to pass. Cheryl parked to the side. Neither of them got out of their vehicle. They just stared at each other. The wind was particularly heavy that day and Toni's pink hair flew with it. After a few minutes, Toni remembered that she was late to a serpent meeting and revved her engine once again. As she stared at Cheryl, she hadn't even realized that the red light was still on and almost ran it. Cheryl had laughed and Toni heard it from all the way across the street.

Toni remembered that specific laugh all too well.

-

The first time they exchanged photos of their past was three months into dating. It had been a long day at work for Toni so she decided to visit Cheryl. After watching a few movies and talking about their days (and some making out), Toni had spotted a small book next to the table of the couch they were laying on.

After Toni had pointed it out, Cheryl grimaced and told her it was a photo album. The pink haired serpent knew that Cheryl's past was a sacred subject so she didn't push her on it but Cheryl insisted that it was better to let it out and share it with her sooner rather than later.

As they flipped through the book together, Toni cooed at the sight of baby Cheryl. There were several of her and Jason and as Toni kissed her tears away, she wondered how different things would be if her brother was still alive. There was a specific photo that Toni found absolutely adorable. It was six year old Cheryl in glasses and when Toni absolutely melted at it, Cheryl covered her face with her hand as her cheeks turned as red as her hair.

_"You were so cute." Toni had said._

_"Were?" Cheryl feigned fake offense._

_Toni rolled her eyes and kissed her cheek, "You know what I mean."_

Toni always knew that Cheryl built massive walls and was extremely closed off to everyone so on that day, Toni was so surprised that Cheryl had spilled mostly everything there was to know about her past. She might've left out details but Toni was grateful and honoured that Cheryl trusted her enough to share her darkest secrets. Toni considered doing the same but she decided otherwise. Today was for Cheryl, her day would come soon. If Toni knew that soon would take almost two years then she would've just spilled everything about her sad history right then and there.

Cheryl thought and convinced herself that Toni was her forever. She told everything about her past because she was convinced her future was with Toni.

But that's all long gone now and there was nothing they could do about it.

-

It was their one year anniversary when Toni permanently moved in with Cheryl. Some might say that it was too soon but to both of them, it seemed perfect. A huge house all to themselves including a supportive Nana Rose? A dream come true.

A few days later, Cheryl was cast in a school play and it had involved a slow dance.

_"I hate slow dancing, I always manage to step on my partner's foot." Cheryl had groaned._

_"You need guidance?" Toni asked as she stared at a frustrated pacing Cheryl._

_The redhead stopped abruptly, "Are you any good at it?"_

_Toni nodded, "Sure am. I used to love dancing when I was a kid."_

_Cheryl's face immediately morphed from a frown to a smile, "Why'd you stop?"_

Toni hesitated. It was because her parents were killed and she had to immediately join the serpents after getting stuck with her abusive uncle. She hadn't thought of dance in a really long time.

_"Lost motivation." She shrugged, "Now c'mon, I'll be your partner."_

_Cheryl stuck her tongue out, "You already are."_

_"Ha-ha."_

So there they were in the middle of the night, dancing in the kitchen under the refrigerator light. It was one of the most intimate things they had done. Just two dorks who were in love freely dancing and giggling like they were the only people in the entire world. And maybe they were.

-

Cheryl blamed herself. They broke up, not specifically on bad terms but it was heartbreaking nonetheless. 

_"Toni, I don't understand."_

_"I need to find myself again, Cher. I can't do that with you and I'm so sorry it had to come to this."_

_"Was it something I did?"_

_"Not on purpose."_

That was that. After Toni had left and promised her that she had a place to stay, Cheryl cried for hours. It wasn't Toni's fault. It wasn't Cheryl's either, much. It was a shitty situation and lack of communication. It doesn't stop Cheryl from feeling like absolute shit at not making sure that Toni was happy with herself during their time together.

_"Thank you for the best years of my life." She had cried into Toni's shoulder._

_"Likewise, Cheryl. You're the best thing that ever happened to me."_

Maybe they got lost in translation. Maybe Cheryl asked for too much. What they had was a masterpiece until it wasn't. Until the universe decided to tear it all up. 

Cheryl remembered every little memory she had with Toni all too well, and that made her cry harder. The only thing that stopped her from completely breaking down was remembering that Toni was doing this for herself. To better her mental health and find her happy place again.

No matter what, Toni's happiness came first to Cheryl. It always will.

-

Two years later, without so much as a peep from Toni, Cheryl tried to move on. All she could get as far as were hookups. But even then she felt empty. None of the girls had the same feel as Toni. None of their touches could compare.

So Cheryl gave up. She wasn't getting over Toni anytime soon and the lack of Toni's voice and presence only drove her crazier. It's not like Toni ghosted her completely. They texted every few weeks but it was as simple as:

_'Hey hope you're well x'_

_'i am. uni's going good hbu'_

_'Great actually. I thought it would be harder.'_

_'haha im glad.'_

And that's it. Same thing every few weeks or months. It was driving Cheryl insane but she didn't want to be in Toni's way. She had already done it inadvertently once and Toni didn't deserve that again. If they talked, she wanted Toni to initiate it so Cheryl knows that she's not pushing her.

-

Three years and there it was. A ring. Cheryl groaned and blindly reached for her phone, ready to curse out whoever was calling her at seven in the morning. Before sliding the green icon to accept the call, she spotted a name she hasn't seen in a while.

TT❤️.

She never had the heart to change it. Cheryl almost immediately shot up in her bed. Toni was calling her. After three goddamn years, the thing she had been waiting for was finally happening.

So why was she tempted to ignore it?

Cheryl shook her head as if to get rid of the thoughts. She swiped on the green circle and put the phone up to her ear.

"Hello?"

"Cheryl."

Cheryl's heart ached and soared at the same time. She hadn't heard that voice in years. Tears immediately sprung to her eyes. The same calming and soothing voice Cheryl remembered after all these years.

"Toni." She managed.

She heard an inhale at the other end of the phone. Cheryl did a double take when she realized that what she was feeling was probably similar to how Toni was feeling right now. 

"I'm sorry I haven't called."

A tear made it down her cheek.

"I get it, TT, I really do." The nickname slipped out accidentally and Cheryl was too anxious to even regret it.

A light sniffle, "I missed that nickname. Your voice, too."

And just like that, Cheryl muted her microphone and allowed herself to cry for a minute.

"Cher, you there?" 

"Sorry," she sniffed, "Was just crying a bit."

She was too tired to lie. Surprisingly, Toni chuckled, "Don't worry I did too before I called."

Cheryl laughed along even though there was nothing funny about it.

"So..um...I called to tell you i might be going back to Riverdale soon. Maybe a year or so. I'll be a social worker so I can help people get over traumatic stuff so they'd never have to go through what we went through."

Cheryl grinned at the news. There was her Toni. Always thinking of others and putting others first. The most selfless person this town has ever seen.

"That's awesome, Toni. I assume you'll be done with college by then? And why Riverdale if you don't mind me asking."

"Yeah, I'd be done. Also, the serpents need a leader and the one I left in charge before going to college is stepping down. They're my family after all and it's about time I go back to that town. I wanted to visit my parents too."

Cheryl winced. She thought of going back as well to visit Jason and Nana Rose, who had passed away peacefully sleeping in a retirement home two years ago. She had only been to Riverdale for her funeral but immediately went back to Highsmith the second it was over. Riverdale held too many painful memories.

But she couldn't run away from them forever.

"What if I visited you?" Cheryl asked before she could stop herself.

A brief pause.

"I would like that."

They talked for a bit longer, filling each other in on their classes and friends. Cheryl learned that Toni didn't have a girlfriend or boyfriend but she didn't tell her why. Cheryl assumed it was the same reason she couldn't bear being around a girl intimately for too long. They were both not over each other and they knew it.

Once the call ended, Cheryl stared emptily at her bedroom ceiling. Why did Toni have to call and make her hear her sickeningly sweet and comforting voice again? Cheryl felt like a crumpled piece of paper as she lay on her bed.

-

Time hadn't flown for Toni. It took forever to go by. Everyday felt the same to her. It's like she was paralyzed by it. Toni would like to be her old self again, not the one that she had been with Cheryl, but the one before her parents were murdered. That was the last time she was ever her happy and carefree self. After they disappeared and left her with her alcoholic uncle who liked to hit her and lock her out of the trailer the majority of the time, Toni became a shell. She avoided her feelings and never faced them. She could barely remember if she'd ever cried around Cheryl. Maybe during their breakup.

Toni was still trying to find her old self. Breaking up with Cheryl was a good decision, no matter how painful it was to say it. The breakup definitely helped with her mental health. She was able to focus on herself a lot more. 

A month or so after the breakup, Toni mailed back some of the things that belonged to Cheryl, except for the scarf. She didn't have it in herself to give it away. It kept her warm on cold days and it still smelled like Cheryl, reminding her of all the innocence and good times she had with her.

After she did that, Toni went full on depressed. Plaid shirt days and nights where she regretted the breakup and cried into Fang's bed as he tried to comfort her as best as he could. Three more months later and Toni decided to better herself. It was her last promise to Cheryl and she didn't intend on breaking it.

"Promise me you'll be happy. Promise me that you'll break up with me and focus on yourself for once. I need you to be happy. I need you to put yourself first.

"I promise."

A year later, with several therapy lessons and days she spent living for herself, she felt like she was getting better everyday. It wasn't like she didn't miss Cheryl because, god she really fucking did, but she knew she needed this. Cheryl never texted her first and always waited for Toni to initiate conversation and she appreciated that so much.

Three years later, she had busied herself with college and therapy and making new friends. She tried a romantic relationship but it didn't work out. The guy was incredibly sweet and charming and really fucking hot but her mind and body were still too attached to Cheryl. She broke it off before it got too serious because the man definitely didn't deserve a girlfriend whose mind was still occupied with her ex. Luckily, he didn't take it personally and they remained friends. 

Toni truly felt like she was getting in touch with her old self again. She went weeks without having a day where she was sad. Sure, she might ruin her mood by thinking of her old friends back in Riverdale or of her family but nevertheless most of her days were filled with happiness. 

She hadn't broken her promise to Cheryl and Toni smiled at that. She decided to call her but not without allowing herself to cry in preparation for hearing the sweet voice she had dreamed of hearing again.

-

It wouldn't be Riverdale unless there was some weird supernatural shit going on. Kids were disappearing left and right and with Toni as a social worker and Serpent Queen, she felt it was her duty to figure out what was going on. 

Toni had called up her old friends and they all agreed to help her out. Cheryl was her first call and she immediately jumped to the idea. 

"I told you I was gonna visit you either way, didn't I?"

So here they were in Pop's, like old times, seated at one of the booths with extra chairs to fit them all. Toni smacked Veronica's hand away with a smirk when the latina tried to reach for her fries.

"Order your own." She said.

"So rude." Veronica laughed.

Betty and Archie were apparently dating and Toni wondered when that happened but Cheryl didn't seem surprised at all. Her and Betty were cousins after all so she was probably informed beforehand.

Veronica didn't seem to care as she kept eyeing a girl who was cleaning the counters. Toni raised an eyebrow at that but before she could question it, Jughead spoke up.

"So, Toni, when did all this start happening?" He asked.

She sighed, "Like three weeks or so? Multiple kids from both the southside and northside started disappearing. Missing Persons posters are getting forgotten when multiple more keep showing up."

Betty leaned her head on Archie's shoulder. She finally had gotten rid of that godforsaken ponytail and Toni admits she looks so much better without it.

"So, what we know so far is..." Archie prodded.

Toni exchanged a look with Cheryl. Seeing her again wasn't as magical as she expected. Sure, her heart stopped and she had a hard time breathing after she saw how much older and wiser Cheryl looked seven years later, but she looked basically the same other than that. Between the two of them, Toni definitely changed a lot more. Physically and mentally.

Cheryl gave her a small wink and Toni smirked and averted her eyes. 

"Basically, nothing." Cheryl picked at her salad, "But that's why we're all here, right Toni?"

Cheryl tilted her head at her as her eyes twinkled and Toni felt like she was 15 years old again and seeing her for the first time. Falling deeply. But this time, she was whole. She's happy despite what's been happening. She's content with herself. So she allowed that feeling of fluttering in her stomach. She didn't try to push it down.

"Yeah, I need everyone's help to find out what's going on. They've been last seen at certain places so we could start there." Toni fiddled with her necklace.

"Cool, let's have lunch first. I'm starving." Jughead groaned.

The rest laughed. Some things seem to never change. Except for that stupid beanie he finally ditched, much to everyone's relief.

"May I take your order?" A girl stepped towards them.

"Um..hi, I'm Veronica.. Veronica Lodge." Veronica stuttered.

The girl's face lit up, "Veronica! You own this place right? No one's seen you in a long time."

"Y-yeah. I left it for Pop Tate." She stared at the waitress. Toni almost laughed at how obvious Veronica's heart eyes were.

"He's my grandpa! I'm Tabitha Tate," Tabitha stuck her hand out. Veronica shook it eagerly.

"Wait, where is he?" Betty asked and for a beat, Toni was afraid he had passed away. Everyone seemed to be thinking the same thing until Tabitha laughed.

"Don't worry, he's just retired. I'm taking over so he could enjoy his well deserved break." She smiled.

Everyone let out a breath of relief.

"Amen to that." Archie raised his glass. The rest did the same. Cheryl recited everyone's orders as the waitress nodded.

"Nice meeting you, Veronica. Guys." Tabitha finger saluted and walked off.

"Real subtle, Ronnie."

"That was the gayest panic I've ever seen."

"Does someone have a crush?"

All those sentences were said at the exact same time and it sent everyone at the table into a fit of laughter. Veronica turned red as she laid her forehead on the table and covered her head with her hands.

As the laughter dissolved, Toni caught Cheryl staring at her hair. Toni assumed she liked the braids and winked at her. Cheryl bit her lip and looked away.

Toni felt like they were 16 again but, hey, they're both at a much better place mentally than they were before. What was the harm in a little flirting?

-

"So, they're dating now?" Toni asked.

"Mhm, about time. I had to push Veronica to do it because she was too scared to." Cheryl snorted.

Toni smiled at that. They were seated on her couch in the small house she owned at the southside. Cheryl had sold Thistlehouse long ago and since she had no longer lived in Riverdale she never bought any property so Toni had welcomed her to stay over till they solved the town's new mystery.

"It isn't Riverdale without a mystery." Cheryl smiled.

Toni hummed as she switched channels and ended up turning the TV off when nothing interesting showed up.

"Should we talk?"

"I've been meaning to-"

They laughed. Cheryl let her go first.

"I've been meaning to talk to you. I just didn't know how." Toni sighed.

"I get it." Cheryl scratched at her neck absentmindedly.

"I went to therapy. I made new friends. I'm much happier than I used to be." Toni admitted proudly.

"I'm so proud of you, Toni." Cheryl said, and it takes everything in Toni to keep herself from taking her hand.

"I hope you know it wasn't your fault. You're an amazing person." Toni whispered.

"It was partly mine, TT. I can admit that. And I've grown as you have." Cheryl argued.

Toni didn't say anything, she just smiled. Cheryl's eyes flickered to her lips. Toni deserved this, as did Cheryl. Their love for each other never went away, merely got paused so they could better themselves. Their bond was unbreakable even after seven whole years.

"I want to kiss you." Cheryl's eyes never left her lips.

"Good." Toni whispered before she closed the gap.

There it was. The familiar feeling she longed to have again. Cheryl tasted the same and it was so comforting Toni could cry. It felt like home. 

They could take it slow or pick up from where they left off. They would figure it out together. They would communicate. As they should've done a long time ago. But right now, nothing else mattered except her lips against Cheryl's.

She remembered that feeling all too well. And she never wanted to forget it ever again.

**Author's Note:**

> also if y'all thought id kill pop tate you were WRONG he's a ball of sunshine I would never. also twitter is @mazevermore


End file.
